The Art of Slowing Down to Listen

In our Women’s group at church we recently answered the question of who was a woman (mentor or peer) God had used in our lives to teach us something. Our speaker shared women through out her life and the different things they had each taught her. Everyone in our life has something they can teach us.

There are so many women I could list. Each of them has taught me something unique to them. My mother listened. From her I learned the art of listening. From other women I have learned to be gracious, to slow down, to forgive, to take a risk, to be generous, to laugh, to understand, to care, to be thoughtful and so much more. Because of the women God has brought into my life I have been challenged, been softened, been encouraged, and continue to grow as a woman of God.

The call that changed my world forever.

It was one of the best days of my life and then it wasn’t. I’d spent a fun morning exploring uptown Minneapolis with a friend. We’d visited the Walker Art Center (one of my favorite museums), wandered through the Sculpture Garden and marveled at the beautiful Basilica of Saint Mary. I was spending the night at a friend’s house watching Pride and Prejudice when the call came. The call that changed my world forever.

I spoke with my dad on the phone for a few minutes while he waited at the hospital for word on my mom. She’d been rushed to the hospital by ambulance after suffering a pulmonary embolism. We hung up and then I waited for him to call again. I knew moments into that second phone call with my dad the terrible news he had to tell me. My mom had passed away.

Pure sorrow and a strange numbness washed over me. It was as if time no longer passed at it’s appointed pace and yet seemed to be a blur simultaneously. It was a painful time for our family. We struggled though it both together and separately moving at different paces and processes as we mourned and figured life out without her.

It will be twelve years this May that she’s been gone and it hardly seems real. Twelve years of lost conversations. Twelve years of lost experiences. Twelve years of adult friendship I never had the chance to create with her. Twelve years of questions I’ll never ask. Twelve years of advice I’ll never get.

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The Art of Slowing Down to Listen

Sometimes I still wonder why my mom died when she did. I long for her because no one else can ever be your mother. I didn’t know I’d lose her so young. I wasn’t ready. Now I think of all those car rides I spent as a moody teenager when all she wanted to do was hear about my day. I think of all the times I could have spent with her but chose my own selfishness over really getting to know my mother.

My mother who always had time for me, who never made me feel like what she was doing was more important than making time for me. My mother who never left me doubting that I was cherished, adored and loved. My mother who drove me crazy with how over protective she was. My mother who I had so much in common with, so many shared passions and who through her gentleness guided me to be the woman I am today.

I’ve learned to look past the regret of lost time with her. I look back and see her through a new lens the older I get. I think about her at the age I am now and how she would’ve had a ten and four year old and what that would’ve been like for her. I think about all sorts of memories, conversions and adventures we had together.

I have mourned the days I didn’t get with her and they remind me how fleeting this life is. Her being gone reminds me of the person I want to be and the life I want to pursue. When my mom died and when I go through tough times I find myself in the book of Psalms. It’s like balm on my soul. I found myself in Psalm 16 and yet again soothed by the words I find there.

Psalm 16:7-11

God’s Word brings me back to a place of joy. Even if it’s joy in the midst of my sorrow. I feel sadness when I think of my mom being gone. Yet, I still have joy. I still have wonderful memories. Cherished childhood moments baking with her in the kitchen, family beach days, camping trips, crafting with her, sitting together and making jewelry. I’ll never forget the post college road trip my mom and I took together sight seeing our way across the country. I think of how she went shopping with me to buy a dress for my first dance and listened to all my boy drama. So many memories and conversations I’m thankful for.

I know that right now there are people in my life who are going through hurt, loss and disappointment. Someone you know right now is going through a hard time. It might be big and visible or it might be small and kept hidden inside. Because of the loss I have experienced in my life my heart hurts deeply when I see others hurting. You’d be amazed what a listening ear, slowing down to be there in the moment, and words of encouragement can do for others when we look past ourselves.

I also know that God places person after person after person in our lives. He places the people he knows we need and he blesses us incredibly though them. You hear and learn a lot when you actively listen and open your heart to learning new lessons. Slow down this week. Really see the people around you and listen. You might be surprised what you learn!

xoxo Naomi